Monday, May 13, 2013

Working with Mom to Plan your Wedding

Hello Beautiful brides to be,

The relationship between you and your mom as you plan your wedding doesn't have to be one of two prizefighters in the ring.  If you follow some of our advice, you might find working with Mom to be a time of closeness and, believe it or not, fun.
Partners in Planning - Think of you and Mom as true partners in wedding planning, almost like a professional party planning team. Partnership is the operative word here, so keep that in mind. You and Mom are equals in this endeavor; treat each other with respect. You’re the bride, not the queen. Acting like royalty is sure to ruffle Mom’s feathers. Don’t make too many demands, especially if Mom and Dad are footing the bill for the wedding. Keep your tizzy fits in check. You’re a grown up now, even if working so closely with your mom reminds you of being 16 again. And if Mom gets out of line, patiently help calm her. If you want things to run smoothly with her, take responsibility for setting the tone of your working relationship.
Listen - This may come as a shock, but Mom may actually have some good ideas. Don’t dismiss them so readily. She really may know which neckline is most flattering to your face, which color tablecloth looks best, that pink tea roses would be perfect in your bouquet. She may have some legitimate reasons why you do or do not need a receiving line. So open your ears. But don’t listen to harsh criticism. If you feel that Mom is attacking your ideas and trying to wield too much power, remind her that you’re in this together.
We Can Work it Out - Communicate openly and honestly. If you really don’t want to serve steak at the wedding because most of your friends are vegetarians, explain that to her. If you really don’t want all of the members of her book group on the guest list because you've never met them, let her know how you feel. If you are swamped at work and don’t have time to visit the florist on your lunch hour, tell her you need another week. By getting everything out in the open, you avoid letting bad feelings and resentments brew. And you will most likely be pleasantly surprised at how Mom responds to your honesty.
Choose Battles Wisely - You don’t want any children at your formal wedding. Mom insists that some pint-size relatives, whom she adores and is close to, must attend. Don’t drive her to tears. Sometimes it’s worth your while to just give in. If Mom hates the way she looks in ivory, don’t insist on it as a color for her Mother-of-the-Bride dress. If you give in on certain points, Mom may be more flexible with your wants, too. But don’t be a total pushover.  When it comes to things extremely important to you, hold your ground.  
Mother Your Mother -  A wedding marks an emotional time for mother and daughter & mom is under a lot of wedding stress, too. So take the time to ask her how she’s doing. Do nice things for her. Make her a cup of tea and sit down to chat. Indulge in a manicure and pedicure session. Go to the movies, or rent one with a wedding related theme, like the remake of "Father of the Bride," and critique the movie wedding together. Compliment Mom on her ideas for the wedding, the way she looks in her Mother-of-the-Bride dress, her good taste. Thank her for the time she is putting into planning your wedding. Be the daughter that Mom can be proud to say she raised.  Reassure Mom that that your relationship is not going to dramatically change after the wedding. If you continue to build on your bond, the closeness will grow and grow as you both move ahead through your lives.
Happy Wedding Planning,

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